Genre: Women's Fiction
Word count: 97,000
3 Line Pitch:
At age 28 Laura Sanders, who has never been in a relationship, has given up on love until she watches the movie Mamma Mia and suddenly finds the perfect coach to a happier life at her side: Meryl Streep. Nobody but Laura can see and hear imaginary Meryl, but so what? Sometimes you have to lose yourself in a fantasy to fix your reality.
I’m Laura M. Sanders.
I’m a TV producer in Los Angeles.
I’ve travelled the world.
I have a cat named Sartre.
I own 108 pair of shoes.
I’m a virgin.
The worst part about my pathetic, lonely life is the constant pretending. Pretending to be normal. Everybody knows the drama of love, the passion, the pain, and not knowing makes you a complete freak. Until some years ago I used to be honest and tell friends at some point that I never had a boyfriend and never had sex. Someday I’ll tell a stranger that I killed a person. Simply to see if that confession arouses a similar mortified look.
After the look there’s always the insensitive comment: Why don't you just pick up a guy at a bar? A woman can get laid even if she’s coyote ugly and you look really cute. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't want to get laid. I want to be loved.
Next is usually the sexist, but still popular, good advice.
Good Advice Number One: Be dumb. Men don’t like smart women.
Good Advice Number Two: Be hard to get. Men still think like hunters.
Good Advice Number Three: Be a listener. Men need attention.
After the look, the comment and the good advice, there’s the worst part: the awkward silence. After all, everything everybody ever talks about are relationships, and to fit in you need stories to contribute. So I make up stories. Stories that cover up the fact that for whatever reason I seem to be an invisible woman, unable to catch a guy's eye, let alone his heart.