Incoming H.E.L.M. transmission. Do not adjust your modem or router settings.
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Connection established. Signal stabilized.
Greetings potential recruits. If you’re receiving this message, you’ve locked on to one of the H.E.L.M. secure frequencies. This is not an easy feat, meaning you’re smart, resourceful, or lucky. Maybe even a combo of the three. Either way, you’re what we’re looking for.
Recruitment is in a couple of months, and we’ll be evaluating y—
000111100101001001001
ERROR
Signal lost.
System reboot.
REBOOT
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Signal intercepted. Security protocol alpha engaged.
Yeah, how about not. Look, while JARVIS handles their security protocols or whatever, let’s you and I chat for a minute. Actually, it’s more like you, you, you you, and you, that guy back there and I, but who’s counting.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’ll clue you in. This is Tony Stark, and I’m not supposed to be here talking to you. Youse. You all. But I figured H.E.L.M. hasn’t told you much about their super secret recruiting, and breaking S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol is much more fun than whatever meeting I’m supposed to be attending right now. So, inside info. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s brought in five heavy hitters to do whatever they do, lead, captain, sound the charge, all of that. Yours truly wasn’t invited to the party, but that hasn’t kept me from crashing it.
You’d think Fury would’ve caught on by now.
H.E.L.M. wants to keep all of that private, something about security risks and national safety, boring spy talk. I don’t see the big deal in letting loose a little information, especially to the people they plan on telling anyway. And since Nick is SO fond of that fortune favors the prepared crap, I’m simply embodying the man’s moral practices, not divulging federal secrets. You can’t be prepared if you don’t know what’s coming down big-brother’s pipeline. So, here’s the deal: you stay tuned for their little non-announcing announcements, and I’ll throw out a confidential file on one of the squad leader candidates every once in a while. It’ll keep you informed and me entertained.
Understood? Great. We now return you to your regularly scheduled BS.
JARVIS, roll that beautiful bean footage.
End broadcast.
System rebooting.
REBOOT
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Signal re-established. Connection to H.E.L.M. communications confirmed.
Apologies for the interruption. It seems we were experiencing some technical difficulties. Nothing to worry about, it’ll have zero effect on the upcoming recruitment session. However, if you experience similar signal disruption in the future, understand it is simply the team who maintains our communications testing the security. You can dismiss any broadcasts received during that time. We repeat, dismiss any broadcasts that could be perceived as signal disruption, it’s only a test. As always recruits, remain alert.
We’ll be in touch.
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Transmission terminated.
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