tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493563706104206595.post5433670055644171248..comments2024-03-17T04:14:43.596-05:00Comments on This Writer's World & Plot Bunnies: Brenda Drake's Auntie B.'s Book Club Blogfest ContestJamie Corriganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11837319723353425561noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493563706104206595.post-77282146021251200622011-07-18T19:06:21.724-05:002011-07-18T19:06:21.724-05:00With 250... 268 words, you got me interested. I w...With 250... 268 words, you got me interested. I want to know what's happened, why it's happening, and what's going to happen. I thought this was great Jamie. 250 words isn't alot to get someone hooked.Mireillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03958225752322706613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493563706104206595.post-51573709536839799512011-07-18T13:59:00.017-05:002011-07-18T13:59:00.017-05:00Very interesting start. For the log-line, I would ...Very interesting start. For the log-line, I would tighten it up a bit (and take out the genre, since that's something separate). <br /><br />"After learning she isn't human, Taisie must embrace her soul’s past & powers to stop an evil force’s apocalyptic plans."<br /><br />That intrigues me, because it makes me think she's someone important and powerful reborn into her current body, and I love stories about rebirth.<br /><br />As for the excerpt, I'm a little confused about who has died (her mother? Or this great love the mother talked about?). I'm guessing the mother, and that the "she's here" part is about her mother, not her great love. Did her mother know about her soul's past?<br /><br />Good luck in the contest!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493563706104206595.post-29374272765581097502011-07-18T12:44:06.092-05:002011-07-18T12:44:06.092-05:00Love the idea of this but I was confused from the ...Love the idea of this but I was confused from the get-go.<br /><br />It took me three reads to realize the first piece of dialogue was something her mother told her. I think mostly because of the sentence structure.<br /><br />I almost think you should delete the first paragraph--it's mostly telling, not showing--and begin with her getting out of the car. And weave in the backstory as you go.<br /><br />For example:<br />As she climbed out of the car, the rain felt like icy daggers being driven into her fair skin. <br />BUT CHANGE IT TO include some backstory:<br />Taisie climbed out of the towncar, the rain like icy daggers on her skin. She cast a look at her father who looked as weatherbeaten as she felt. But, it wasn't the rain but the incredible sadness of losing a loved one that threatened to engulf them.<br /><br />Why couldn't he see that leaving wasn't the answer? Mom was here. In this house. Not back in her hometown. A place Taisie hadn't even spent time with her.<br /><br />OKAY--Sorry. I got a little carried away. Hopefully you can see where I'm going with this.<br /><br />Nitpicky stuff: fair skin. We don't ever think the rain pierced my fair skin, so it shouldn't be done in third person either. Find another place to put in character description--when it feels organic.<br /><br />And "thought to myself" takes the reader out of the head. You don't need it. If you are consistantly in the head of the character, trust your reader to be as well.<br /><br />I see lot's of potential and like the intriguing concept.Margiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03843006118151762550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493563706104206595.post-64966428802419514812011-07-17T15:10:51.388-05:002011-07-17T15:10:51.388-05:00Your logline is intriguing. :)
It could be a bit...Your logline is intriguing. :) <br /><br />It could be a bit more specific though. Maybe a hint of what is in "her soul's past" or what kind of power she has. You can drop "YA Paranormal Romance where" to give yourself a bit more room for details.<br /><br />I entered this contest too. This is <a href="http://stephaniemooney.blogspot.com/2011/07/story-time.html" rel="nofollow">my entry</a>.Stephanie Mooneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01401081170867453044noreply@blogger.com